Early this week, I found myself staring at the daunting task ahead. A quarter of my time has already passed for support-raising, and as I evaluated the results so far, I felt the creeping weight of doubt. Will I reach the goal? Some days, it just seems insurmountable. To make matters harder, I was receiving several polite declines.
And this is a new battleground in my heart. I genuinely want to be and often am grateful for those who commit to praying for us. But in my heart, I wrestle with the reality of our need for future ministry. Wwill God provide? Am I foolish to trust this calling? It’s doubt creeping in.
Then comes the shame. Shame that I’m needy. Shame that I’m asking so many people for so much. Shame that I’m not “crushing this” but simply on pace. I started questioning whether I should be doing better, moving faster, achieving more. My flesh is screaming “WORK HARDER.”
And in His grace, God brought Romans 5:3–5 to mind:
Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
The phrase that struck me deeply was this: “hope does not put us to shame.”
Doubt and shame are the evidence I am measuring my experiences against my own expectations, not God’s promises. If my struggle produces shame, I’m not actually suffering well! And though this could potentially cause a shame spiral, this text was a reminder of truth and pointed me towards grace.
The gospel reminds me that Jesus does not and will not put us to shame when we are struggling. He knows our struggle. He has experienced our weakness. As our great High Priest, He sympathizes with it (Hebrews 4:15). My neediness is not a flaw—it’s a reminder of my dependence on Him. And this is the kind of hope that will not put us to shame. Instead, it’s brings gratitude and worship!
Partnership in Weakness and Hope
The grace of God is always there in the midst of our struggles. But this week is teaching me experientially what I know cognitively: support raising is about so much more than financial partnership.
As I’ve shared my vision, so many people have responded with encouragement, prayer, and affirmation of God’s call on my life. That has buoyed my spirit when I’ve felt weak. And as I talk about the ministry concept, others are contributing their ideas, their gifts, and their time. It has reminded me that this process is not just about funding a mission—it’s about sharing in the joy of God’s grace and activity in our lives.
This journey isn’t just about me receiving; it’s about inviting others to witness and participate in what God is doing. And that perspective is changing how I approach each conversation. Whether someone partners financially or not, I get to share in the beauty of God’s provision, His faithfulness, and His work in the world. And that’s ultimately what I want – more disciples of Jesus faithfully and fully following the Lord to pursue the lost and the least of these.
So today, I’m choosing to hold onto hope that will not put me to shame. Not because I have it all figured out. Not because everything is going according to my plan. But because God’s love has already been poured into my heart through the Holy Spirit. And because He is using other saints of God to do that in my life and I get to watch faith lived out by others. And that is sufficient for today.
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